Toilet Mongoose: The Winds of Change are Ill and Strange

I realize that change is inevitable. The Erisian in me revels in it. Things cannot stagnate… why not let a gentle breeze stir them up a bit? Or a hurricane? Change is a fickle and indiscriminate mistress. Change doesn’t care if it’s good change or bad change… sometimes change is needed, so that is precisely what happens. I can’t “Let Go & Let God”. I can’t “Live and Let Live”. I’m more of a “What the fuck? OH FUCK! Hmm… this is fucked. Well… fuck! Fuck this shit… I’ve got a solution. Fuck yeah!” kind of a girl. I roll with it. I am like the goldfish whose been flushed down the toilet a few too many times, only to float up from the plumbing listlessly, gills still kicking. I’m a goldfish, motherfucker. Wanna go toe-to-toe? Bring it on. You might want to consider using stronger toilet cleaner. Toilet Mongoose, not Toilet Duck, you dig?

If anyone knows where I might perchance be able to purchase some Toilet Mongoose, I’d be much obliged.

I understand that change is very necessary for growth. Everything is cyclic. Everything. Even if the experience of change is a dung heap surrounded by rabid raccoons. Chaos is often the impetus for change. Go Team Chaos! Eris is my homegirl. If it’s gonna rain poisonous toads and candy canes tomorrow, I’ve gotta give a “Hail Eris” for the cause, and figure out if my umbrella can stand deluge of peppermint, and if my boots are toad-proof. I have a shrinking suspicion that those cute cherry print Wellingtons I bought a few years a go and never wore might come in handy.

A tailspin of chaos sometimes leads to personal growth. I recall the darkest times in my life with a clarity that is daunting at times. I am not the same person I was years ago, and I know I will probably change a lot in the years to come. Yet I am much more aware of the inevitablility of change than others seem to be. Oh Glorious Detachment! How I love thee! Sometimes the only thing I have in my arsenal is the ability to unplug from these more unpleasant situations, survey them critically, and figure out the best course of action. No over the top dramatics are going to help after a point. Whining? Accomplishes nothing. Cold hard facts? Bring em. I can deal with it if I know my options. Ethics first, though, always. I’m a cheeky and willful bastardess, so it works for me.

Most people are either “in it”, or detached. It’s really not easy to be both. Simultaneously. I see now, through the wisdom that doing lot’s of meditating and drugs can provide, that it’s one of those things that I’m pretty much a pro at. I wasn’t always. I handle my bouts with change with an effortlessness. An ease. Or I appear to. I went through a really rotten period when I was off work. A real malaise. No amount of will was enough to knock my ass back on Team Happy. I didn’t even try. It was a big change. It was possibly change that was much needed, and the break, while painful, did me a lot of good. Looking back, I wanted to handle it differently, but it ended up okay. Perhaps the chips fall not just where they may but where they are supposed to. Yeah. The Detachment also comes with a Gooey Center of Perspective. Good stuff, but hard earned. Woefully hard earned.

It’s hard to see others I care about go through such chaotic periods. It’s hard to not know what to say. They don’t always see what you see, or you perhaps you see only what they are willing to show you. Someone that I thought I knew took his own life about a month ago. I had no idea that he was a recovering alcoholic. I am still in shock, and it’s bothering me far more than I thought it would. I feel like I knew him, but knowing him, it was unthinkable that he would do such a thing. The people in his life may say… what could I have done differently? I don’t know if there was anything we could have done.

Sometimes change leaves you helpless. What could I have done to change the situation? Nothing. What can I do to change my perception of him? Nothing. It is forever altered, no matter how much you try to understand. You never really know people as well as you think.

You think you know me? You don’t know me! I just compared myself to a flushed goldfish a few paragraphs back. Yerp. I am special that way. I’m a unicorn, beetches.

Change, no matter how terrible, brings eventual good. Good things can’t happen without bad things to pave their way. The Roman Empire wasn’t perfect… and the Dark Ages sucked ass… but the Renaissance wasn’t so bad if you were a male. We live in interesting times. Things are bad for many, and it is quite a departure from what they’re used to in may cases. We’re fools to think that change isn’t going to come a knocking, and even more foolish still to think it’s all good. Yet… maybe it’s a necessary evil.

As the optimist in me has decreed before: sunshine, rainbows, and happy-shiny sparkle ponies always prevail. Always. Yay for sparkle ponies!

Change. Meh. I’ll deal with it, but I don’t have to like it. Don’t tell Eris, but I think she’s a doody head sometimes. I keed… I keed… She may find that amusing. Or not. We’ll see if my tires are slashed by the lawn gnomes tomorrow morning.

I don’t really have lawn gnomes, but I aspire to. I like to dream big, you know?